"Don't let yourself drown into this, babe. You'll get over him." One of my friends reassured me. The others nodded in agreement and sympathy. Huh!! But I didn't need any reassurance AND sympathy.
I had never needed it. Why now? Because I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago.
It was a sunny evening but not particularly hot.
I felt myself craving for some cool frappe. And the next moment, my feet were dragging me to the cafeteria downtown.
I entered with a cheerful smile and requested the barista for my regular frappe.
She was a good acquaintance. I sat down at my usual table and waited. The weather, so please, I closed my eyes and started humming a song. It felt so surreal, just me and this pleasant world.
I opened my eyes to some weird sounds and looked over the other side of the cafe. There I saw two people kissing, one of them; my boyfriend. Jake.
I was shocked. Just shocked. No other emotions crossed my heart, even my mind. They continued kissing as if they were the only two people left in this earthly palace. But I couldn't bother less.
I had my frappe and exited the earthly grounded palace. The sun was setting by now, the sky covered in hues of oranges and yellows.
I felt...normal. I didn't feel hurt. Not even an ounce of it.
I recalled our moments and I was happy.
I guess he wasn't or was he? Confusion plastered in my head. Did I love him? Or not? Or did I fall out of love?
I reached my home and texted him to meet me. He arrived in about 15 minutes and proceeded to hug me but, backed away.
I confronted him about the cafeteria incident, he froze! I told him to part ways and he broke down. He told me he loved me, and that he would fix all of this. But I didn't bother and told him to get out and never see me again.
He slumped down and left. I didn't shed a tear. I did feel bad for him but nothing else. The moment he exited the door and my life, I heaved out a relieved sigh. I had never felt so much at peace and carefree. I was free.
Now, here I am, walking back to my apartment after meeting my friends. I feel happy, calm and beautiful. The stars twinkled in the dark sky and I smiled. I just realised I had never smiled like this whenever I was with him. Sure I smiled, but it was to please him and not to make myself happy.
By the time I reached my destination, I came to a conclusion. I unloved him way before I started loving myself. I'd just never realised it.
The end of this relationship might have caused tears and breakdown but for me, this ending was a beautiful start to a life filled with realistic self-love ahead.
- Jiya Gahlot
F.Y.B.A.
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